June 23 1947
I have never written a journal before... I have no idea what I'm supposed to write here. I'm surprised my family even let me have a place where I can write down what I feel. Women appereantly aren't supposed to have feelings or feel anything that happeneds to them. I have nightmares everynight because of everything that I have been put through. My life is a living hell hole. I don't know if I can survive much longer if I keep my thoughts, dreams and feelings bottled up. My home life isn't what one would call great. My parents, hate me and my husband is rarely sober when I'm around. I've asked the great almighty but I don't think he exists or if religion is to be believed... why would he listen to a small child who was cursed since the day she was born? ' I'm 16 years old and already have a husband. His name is Zack Misery and he's 32. My parents thought that I needed a life partner before i hit 18 so that I would be safe. Right... safe. That thought is humorous. I have never felt safe when I was around them, they have never wanted me to be happy. They went out and spent every weekend with their friends, while I was made to baby-sit my four younger siblings. While all my younger siblings got anything their little hearts desired, I was always made to sit in the background and got hand-me-downs from everyone. My dress is a nice brown colour. But I wouldn't even call it a dress. it's more like a servants rag, which fits me perfectly. I am just a servant to my family.
My mom always yelled at me no matter what I did, I dared to drop a plate by accident. She sat me down and yelled at me and my dad... I don't know if I should put this. My dad "prepared" me for my husband. I don't really understand what he did to me, but from a young age I remember immense pain.
June 24 1947
Today was eventful. Zack i'm learning is a huge ass. I can't belive that my parents made me live with him. Ok I do see their point in making me be with him, but at the same time it's really unfair. Zack has the best job in the town. he's the main contractor and that pays the bills plus more... but is it realy worth staying with him? Everyday after work he comes home severly drunk and acts different now then before we were wed. He was kind, sweet, caring. Just like any girl wants... then he went back to his families errors and I don't have a spot in my face that isn't discoloured. He has also taken up to yelling at me more often then he should. It's time for him to come home. I'll write when I can.... Assuming I'm not dead by then.
June 25 1947
HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO SURIVE THIS HELL HOLE? He has managed to beat me worse. I'm sitting in my bed with a broken ankle. Zack decided that I didn't need to walk..... that way I'd not be able to leave when ever he wanted me to play...I don't know what I should do. He has said that we are moving soon... but I still don't know when. I'm really scared. We are moving out of our small town into a kingdom.... Zack found out last night that he is heir to the throne and that his father is sick. We will discuss this after he "plays" with me. This journal is the only thing keeping me sane...
June 26 1947
Maybe today the pain will finally end! I was told to pack my bags, that this was the last night we were going to spend in the shack that I have called home for over 4 years. He really only beat me before he left for work yesterday. Any other form of touch he has done is nice. It's really scary if I stop to think about it.... The last time that he didn't show aggression towards me was when his parents wannted us over for Christmas one year. Being as he hasn't hurt me makes me worry about what will be coming in the near future.... I will try to write as we move but it may be while before I can.... This is my only friend.... YOU are my only friend...
July 10 1947
Wow... its been a fortnight since I managed to write last and to be perfectly honest... not a lot has happened. I got a new dress, one that isn't torn or badly stained. It's a red floorlength gown with white sleeves. It's beutiful. Zack has really changed on this trip.... I really hope that this new and improved husband of mine doesn't change. We are now in my uncle in law's castle. It's bigger then I could have ever imagine. I am sharing a room with my husband that would fit my old house with plenty of room to spare! The bed is WAY to big for us. I keep getting tangeled in the sheets. And the Washroom.... Oh my.... I don't even know how to describe it, it's that beutiful. I feel like a sort of traitor... I have been here in this castle for almost 5 days now and haven't even touched my journal. To be honest I have been exploring the castle A LOT! Of course there are rooms that I'm not allowed in. And I will keep respecting the King's wishes. I really hope that this doesn't change. Zack has even promised me that he will change and will remodel our carriage and will take me to town... as an APOLOGY for what he has done. This has been the best fortnight I have had in a really long time. I pray at night that this never ends and that if it's a dream, for it to never end.
July 15 1947
I'm panicking! SO much has happened within the last few days and I don't know how I'm goning to deal with it! The king is dead... I know he didn't die of natural causes. He was murdered. I have seen the true person of who I'm bound too.... I'm scared for my life.... He doesn't need a queen....
July 30 1947
He's behind me, watching everything that I write.... I showed the officer of what I know Zack has done, and I was told that if I ever told such a foolish lie again, I would be executed. I don't know what to do.... I'm not allowed to leave our room anymore. I am chained to the bed... I have enough chain to still walk around but that's it..... Goodbye My only friend... I hope one day someone finds you....
August 1 1947
This is my true goodbye.... I'm throwiing this into the sea in a protective case. I want no one else to suffer the same fate as me.........